There are a lot of reasons why a toddler may throw a temper tantrum. In many cases, it's because they're hungry and/or tired and things that don't normally upset them will send them into a tailspin. The temper tantrum is just an expression of frustration with a physical (hunger, fatigue), mental (difficulty learning or performing a task) or emotional situation.

And, quite frankly, tantrums are sometimes nothing more than a repetition of a technique that has worked favorably in the past to get the child what he or she wanted. They may be small and unable to communicate well, but children are not stupid. If a temper tantrum resulted in "no" becoming "yes," that information will be remembered and the next time you say "no," past experience will be drawn upon in an attempt to change your mind. The more times you give in, the more it reinforces the child's experience that a temper tantrum = success!

A word for parents: you may be tired and hungry, too! Sometimes you think it's easier to just give in. However, you need to remember that children want consistency from you. Being consistent in your parenting is probably one of the most important lessons you'll learn and probably the hardest thing to do. If you told your toddler that you are not buying toys when you go grocery shopping, then don't.

How to avoid temper tantrums in the first place

Be consistent. We cannot emphasize this enough. It is the foundation of parenting.

Plan ahead. If you have to take a child with you to run errands, try to do them at a time of day when the child usually has the best attitude and mood and isn't likely to be tired, hungry and therefore grumpy and demanding.

Encourage your child to use words. Temper tantrums are a communication in response to an inability to convey frustration. Get your child to talk to you in a normal tone of voice. Make it clear that you will not listen to whining and crying.

Let your child make choices. It's important to involve the child in some of the decision making when appropriate. It gives them a sense of control. Compliment the child on his or her choices and for using words.

Praise good behavior. Children need positive reinforcement - you cannot just ignore the good behavior and punish the bad. They will equate bad behavior with attention and if that's the only attention they get from you, they will use it.

Use distraction. If you sense a tantrum about to break forth, attempt to distract the child to head off a tantrum. It may help to touch or hold them.

Avoid situations likely to trigger a tantrum. Steer clear of "Temptation Island" at the checkout. One good technique is to buddy up with a friend or your spouse when shopping and have one adult take the children out to the front of the store, bypassing the displays, while the other one checks out. Otherwise, it's darn near impossible to get away from leading a child right past the goodies put there specifically for the purpose of tempting children.

How to deal with temper tantrums

At home or in public, the best response to a temper tantrum is - ignore it. If you are out in public, don't hesitate to leave the situation if the tantrum escalates or your child in danger of hurting him- or herself. At home, discuss with your child (once calm) what type of behavior you would have preferred. Above all, YOU must stay calm. Responding to a temper tantrum with anger or shouting will only likely escalate the child's behavior.

Children like routines. What may be boring to you is reassuring them. They live in a world where everyone is larger and their communication skills are limited. They find comfort and safety in consistency.

Around the time of the "terrible 2s," toddlers are also typically going through an "I'll-do-it-myself" phase and they may react negatively when things happen and decisions are made without their involvement - especially if it disturbs their routine.

Some children are more sensitive to change than others but you shouldn't try and protect your toddler from change, as it's unavoidable. Do try to help him or her deal with change in ways that are age-appropriate.

• Discuss with the child in advance any changes you are planning on making that will affect the child and the child's routine. For example, if you are planning on painting, talk about it in advance. If you are painting the child's bedroom, consider giving the child some input on color and decorations. Talk about the pending change and remind the child, giving them time frames they can understand. "We're having lunch early today because we're going to pick Grandma up at the airport when you finish eating." "When you wake up in the morning, the painters will be here and you can watch them."
• Let the child participate when appropriate. Children love to help. Even adults accept change better when they feel they have been involved in the change process.

Take into consideration what is appropriate for a child of this age and try and give the child choices instead of asking open-ended questions. Instead of asking "what color would you like to paint your room?" - give him or her a choice between two or three colors that you would find acceptable. It allows the child to be involved. You want to avoid asking questions or giving options in a way that may result in an answer you don't want. For example, what happens if you say "Do you want to pick up Grandma at the airport today?" - and the child says "NO?" Obviously, you have to pick up Grandma and unless you are able to leave the child with someone while you do that, he or she will feel that what they want doesn't matter, even though you asked them. It puts the adult in a dilemma and marginalizes the child. Try to remember to present the child with choices instead:

• Do you want green or blue?
• Do you want to sit in the front or the back?
• Which pair of shoes do you like - this one or this one?
• Which shirt would you like to wear - the yellow or the green?

Your child should outgrow this phase. Extreme, persistent resistance to change can be an early indicator of autism spectrum disorder. Other signs and symptoms may include delayed speech, attachment to one particular toy or object, unresponsiveness to others and poor eye contact. Be patient, make sure you are being consistent and presenting appropriate options when changes loom. If problems persist, you may want to discuss it with the pediatrician at your child's next routine checkup.

I get asked this a lot. The answer is - it depends. It depends on how old your baby is and how much your baby is taking at each feeding and how often the baby feeds. Obviously, more food means more wet and messy diapers.

Just like we don't like wet or dirty clothes, neither does a baby. Their communication skills are slightly different from ours, so we have to be more alert about their condition. In addition to that, their skin is much more delicate and extended contact with a wet or dirty diaper will break down the skin and create a rash and/or sores. You want to make sure that doesn't happen.

Disposable or cloth?

This is a decision you should probably make prior to your baby's birth, so you can be prepared.

Disposable diapers

There isn't much preparation for disposable diapers, except to buy them. In infancy, disposable diapers are sold by size related to weight. If you have a premature baby, there are preemie diaper sizes. As your baby gets older, the sizes are based on approximately age. If you have a child well above or below the standardized norm for the age, just adjust accordingly. It's time to move up to the next size when you have difficulty fastening the tabs on the diapers - and definitely time to move up if they pop open by themselves!

Did you know you're not supposed to just throw away the disposable diaper, complete with contents? Solid waste is not supposed to end up in the trash and landfills. Solid waste should be tipped off the diaper and into the toilet before disposing in the trash.

Disposable diapers are engineered by very smart biochemists to provide a lot of absorbency and wicking away from the skin. To some, this might translate to "you don't have to change them as often." However, there is still moisture that's kept inside, against the skin, due to the outer layer that prevents everything from wicking all the way out. The rule of thumb would be - if it's wet, change it. You don't want moisture staying against your baby's tender skin because that's an invitation to diaper rash. And absolutely change any dirty diaper as soon as you're aware of it.

Cloth diapers

Cloth diapers take a little more work but many people feel it's worth the effort. Cotton is soft, absorbent and a renewable resource. However, it takes a lot of hot water and more work to clean them. Then again, they don't take up space in landfills.

The obvious choice, if you can afford it, is a diaper service. I used cloth diapers and a service for all of my babies. They supply the diapers and come once or twice a week (depending on the service you request) to pick up the hamper (which they also supply) and trade it for a clean one, with clean diapers. No muss, no fuss. The diapers are clean and soft. Because the service uses industrial-strength cleaning processes, they are cleaner than you would be able to get them in your own washer. That doesn't mean you can't get them clean yourself, but that's another article entirely.

Cloth diapers do need to be changed more frequently than disposable diapers. Although cotton is very absorbent, it is just cotton, not a carefully engineered paper product, like disposables. When you realize the diaper is wet, it needs to be changed. As with disposables, dirty diapers need to be changed immediately.

You will also need diaper covers and if I can find some really neat ones like I used to get, I'll share a link. There's an amazing stylish variety (which you can use with disposables, if you like) and they're very easily washed.

Diaper pins are a necessity, of course. I learned the "double pin" technique years ago when disposables were considered pricey and didn't work as well as they do now. Double pinning ensures a better fit and is easy to do. (Pictures when I can find one - I don't have babies any more, so I'll have to dig up an illustration of this technique because it really does work.)

One problem I did encounter with cloth diapers was that many day care providers don't want to have to deal with them, so if your baby is going to day care at some point, check and see if they will accept cloth diapers.

So how often do I change the diaper?

OK, back to the original question, right? Less with disposables, more with cloth. More with newborns, less with toddlers.

Always change a dirty (as opposed to wet) diaper immediately. In the first few days of life, your baby will have bowel movements that are black to green and stick. Don't panic! This is called meconium and it's standard issue (if you'll pardon my pun!). After passing meconium, breast-fed babies will have bowel movements that are yellowish and fairly loose, which is also normal. Formula-fed babies will have bowel movements that are darker and smellier than a breast-fed baby's.

As far as "just wet" diapers, don't wait until the diaper weighs 2 pounds, no matter how expensive diapers are! Use your judgment - all it takes is practice. If your baby is crying, food and wet or dirty diapers are the first things you should check.

In the first 24 to 48 hours of life, your baby should have at least one bowel movement, most probably meconium. If not, consult your pediatrician for advice. Wet diapers should be frequent. If you aren't changing wet diapers every couple of hours, it may be a sign that your baby may not be getting enough milk. It's harder to judge this when breastfeeding. Wet diapers are a sign of a baby that is being adequately fed, so check with your pediatrician.

Even with a normal, healthy baby, well-baby exams are important to measure growth and development milestones to make certain your baby is staying healthy. Make sure you have a pediatrician you trust and who will take the time to talk to you about your baby's growth and progress.

Measurements

Most well-baby checkups begin with measurements of your baby's length, weight and head circumference. You'll need to undress your baby, so keep a blanket handy.

Your pediatrician will have a growth chart and mark the baby's height, weight and head circumference measurements against a "normal" growth curve for age. Some babies will be "off the chart," or way above the growth curve for their age. Premature infants will fall below the growth curve, but there is an adjustment for "gestational age." If your baby is 4 weeks premature, they are considered "newborn" at one month. Some preemies catch up quickly; others take longer, usually depending on the amount of prematurity. If your baby is losing on the growth curve, your pediatrician may become concerned about failure-to-thrive or other factors, such as adequate feeding and sleep habits. Don't be fixated on the growth chart, however; a baby who's in the 95th percentile for height and weight isn't necessarily healthier than a baby who's in the 5th percentile. What's most important is steady growth from one visit to the next.

Physical examination

Your pediatrician will perform a head-to-toe physical examination of your baby at every visit. Some of the things they will look at:

• Head: Soft spots (fontanels) are areas on your baby's head that give your baby's brain room to grow. They typically disappear some time between 12 and 18 months of age, when the skull bones fuse together. The doctor will also check the shape of your baby's head. If there are flattened areas, you may be advised to place the baby in different positions. Don't worry - not everyone has a perfectly rounded skull!
• Ears. Ear infections are common in infants and toddlers and can cause hearing loss if not treated. Your doctor will check the baby's external auditory canal and then examine the tympanic membrane (eardrum) with an instrument to make sure it's pink and pearly and not bulging. Bulging and discoloration of the eardrum is an early sign of ear infection. (Watch for crying and tugging at the ears for early signs of ear infection. Ask me how I know this!) There should be no discharge from the ear, which is a sign of severe infection. The pediatrician will also check your baby's response to sounds, to make sure hearing is good. Hearing tests typically aren't necessary for well-baby exams.
• Eyes. Plugged tear ducts are a common problem in newborns. This can frequently be resolved by massage the duct area, which is very simple and painless; your pediatrician will show you how to do this if there are signs of tear duct plugging. If that doesn't resolve the problem, the procedure to clear the tear duct is very simple. Your doctor will also check the baby's eyes with an instrument to see inside the eye and test pupil response to light. As your baby gets older, the doctor will also check to make sure the baby tracks objects with his/her eyes without turning the head.
• Mouth. Thrush is a yeast infection very common in newborns. Your doctor will examine the baby's mouth for signs of thrush, which is easily treated. As your baby grows and develops, the exam will also look for teeth breaking through the gums on schedule.
• Skin. In the first few weeks after birth, the doctor will examine the umbilicus to make sure it is clean and that the residual cord is healthy and in the process of falling off. Make sure you keep it clean with a swab soaked in alcohol - the more you clean it, the faster it will fall off. Your doctor will look for unusual skin conditions, such as birth marks, rashes and jaundice (a yellowish discoloration of the skin and eyes). Jaundice is common in newborns and frequently disappears on its own; if it doesn't, light therapy may be recommended to clear it up. Make sure when you bathe your baby that you lift all the folds of skin and clean thoroughly, as rashes and sores may occur if dirt is trapped and irritates the baby's tender skin.
• Heart and lungs. Your pediatrician will listen to the baby's heart to make sure there are no abnormalities in the beat. Murmurs are not always a cause for concern but you may be referred to a specialist if your pediatrician is concerned. The pediatrician will listen to make sure lung sounds are healthy and normal.
• Abdomen. When your pediatrician palpates the baby's abdomen, he or she is feeling for enlarged organs or excessive gas or signs of tenderness. Some babies also have umbilical hernias; these are also common and typically resolve by 1 or 2 years of age.
• Genitalia. Your doctor will examine the genitalia to make sure they are clean and normal, without signs of discharge, lumps or tenderness. In boys, the testes will be examined to make sure they are normally descended.

Development milestones will be covered in another article.

Make sure you ask if you have any questions. Pediatricians generally schedule a generous block of time for well-baby exams, especially for first-time parents. It's important for both the parents and the baby to have confidence that what you're doing is what's best for your baby.

There is no known cause for colic, although it is felt to be related to the stomach and/or intestines, so the treatment of it varies and consists of trial-and-error to find whatever will reduce the crying. It's felt to be related to the digestive tract because of the symptoms as described above, but not all babies with these symptoms have colic; it seems to be a catch-all for infants who exhibit these behaviors but are otherwise healthy. However, if your baby is running a fever, not eating or sleeping, or has other symptoms that point to an infection or other, more serious, conditions, you should see your pediatrician.

Twenty-five percent of infants display symptoms of colic, so it's a fairly common problem in the first few months of life. It goes without saying that smoking cessation during pregnancy is important for many reasons, and it is felt to be a factor in colic, with more infants of mothers who smoke having colic than those born to mothers who don't smoke. Otherwise, colic has no relation to a baby's birth order (first, last, middle) or gender. It occurs with the same frequency in all infants whose mothers are non-smokers.

Some babies comfort when held in a certain position. While this can be tiring for parents, so can excessive crying! Staying calm and not getting anxious is important in consoling a colicky baby.

If you are feeding formula and notice that crying occurs shortly after feeding, try switching to a different formula, such as soy; cow's milk formula is felt to be one cause of colic. If you are nursing and notice the crying occurs after feeding, evaluate your diet to determine if the baby is reacting to something you are eating that's passing through your milk. There is disagreement in the medical community about whether or not formula or a nursing mother's diet contribute to colic, but it doesn't hurt to look at whatever remedies may provide the easiest and most instant relief.

Try feeding the baby in different positions, such as sitting more upright (difficult when nursing) and burping more frequently. Gentle tummy rubs may also help. Some people find that a warmed blanket placed on the stomach during and after feeding helps.

It's never bad to give your newborn attention; you can't spoil a newborn. Newborns require a lot of attention and they can't tell us what's wrong. Just remember that this, too, shall pass and you will have one of the more difficult aspects of caring for a newborn behind you, along with more experience for the next time!

Develop a rhythm

This is the first step in moving towards sleep. Newborns sleep an average of 16 hours a day. Unfortunately, this massive need for sleep is interrupted by the need for food and a dry diaper, approximately every 2 hours for the first couple of weeks. Don't try to get your newborn on a "schedule" during this time period - a newborn's nervous system isn't mature enough for a schedule at this point. You should, however, start developing a rhythm and routine for getting the baby back to sleep.

Encourage good sleeping habits

No matter what you do, a newborn is still going to wake for night-time feedings. However, follow these simple steps to make sure your infant develops good sleep habits early on and establishes a sleeping pattern that includes only 1 or 2 (at most!) night-time feedings.

• Encourage activity during the day. When your baby is awake, keep him or her engaged in play, talking, singing and age-appropriate toys. Stimulation during the daytime hours will encourage night-time sleeping.
• Monitor naps. It's really, really tempting to let sleeping babies lie but remember - the more the baby sleeps during the daytime, the less she or he will sleep at night. By the time the baby is 6 months old, napping should be regular and limited to 2 naps of 2 hours each, at most. Be aware that disrupting nap times will also disrupt night sleep, so try to stay at home during nap hours. (Yes, that means you won't go out much.)
• Follow a consistent bedtime routine. My aunt gave me some of the best advice I've ever received: establish a routine that precedes sleep time and stick with it. It signals to the baby that it's time to sleep and that the routine ends with sleep. This helps establish a rhythm. Bedtime routines change as your baby gets older, but the change is gradual so that parts of the routine remain well established. If you play music, always play the same music. If you sing a song, always make it the same song. Trust me - they never tire of it. (Well, until they're teenagers but that's a completely different web site.) And for heaven's sake resist the temptation to leave the baby with a bottle. I know newborns can't hold a bottle, but don't make this part of the routine when they are! Not only is it not good for their teeth, but you will regret it.
• Put the baby to bed drowsy but awake. This helps your baby associate the bed with the process of falling asleep. Remember to place the baby on his or her back and remove any objects from the crib that could be harmful.
• Give the baby time to settle down. The baby may fuss some, but should settle quickly, especially if the routine is an established one and she or he is drowsy. Leave the room and close the door or, if you don't have a monitor, leave it partially open so you can hear. The point of the routine is that it ends when the baby is put in the crib. Going back and picking the baby up creates a new element of the routine and an expectation that fussing can extend bed time. While you want to be reassuring, you don't want to encourage fussing or crying to avoid sleep.
• Consider a pacifier. If your baby has trouble settling down, a pacifier might do the trick. In fact, using a pacifier during sleep may reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). But there are pitfalls, too. If your baby uses a pacifier to sleep, you may face frequent middle-of-the-night crying spells when the pacifier falls out of your baby's mouth. Some pediatricians are opposed to pacifiers. I had one pacifier baby and one finger-sucker (I swear he sucked his fingers in utero). You can at least wean a baby off a pacifier - you can't wean them off their fingers.
• Expect frequent stirring at night. Babies wiggle. And sigh. And burp. And pass gas. This is why they should sleep in another room. Otherwise, you have to learn to ignore all this or you'll never get any sleep. If you sleep with the baby in your room, wait until there's a full waking and crying before conceding that yes indeed, the infant is awake. Many times, the sighing and wiggling are just part of sleep phases. Interrupting them by picking up the baby disturbs their sleep cycle.
• Keep pre-sleep time low key. A half-hour before bedtime isn't the time to play "toss the baby in the air" or any other rambunctious games. The hour or so preceding a nap or bedtime should be low-key, with quieter voices and more sedentary activities. This is all part of the routine you need to establish to lead up to bedtime.
• Make sure you are feeding your baby enough during the day. Typically, a full baby is a sleepy baby. A baby who gets enough to eat during the daytime will wake less for feedings at night. For up to the first 6 months, a fussy baby usually signals hunger, fatigue or the need for a diaper change. Newborns have pretty basic needs.
• Night-time feeding hints. The night-time feeding(s) needs to be as routine as all other routines leading to sleep. The goal in the middle of the night is to return the baby back to sleep as quickly as possible after feeding and changing. The attitude you want to signal is that this is not play time or even awake time. I found it most helpful to feed the baby first. If you're nursing, nurse on one breast. If you're bottle feeding, feed half the bottle. Then change the diaper. This accomplishes two things: (1) the baby stops screaming with hunger and (2) the diaper change wakes him or her up so you can finish the feeding. Sometimes babies are too tired to finish a complete feeding and if you don't have a diaper change to wake them up, they will wake up sooner than expected to finish what they started a couple hours before. Better to make sure they get a full feeding. After nursing the second breast or finishing the bottle, put the baby back down and leave the room.

Remember, getting your baby to sleep through the night isn't indicative of your parental skills - it's simply a goal you're working toward. Some babies are easier than others and some babies accomplish this sooner than others. Establishing restful sleep habits is one step towards one of the most important skills in parenting: consistency.